Journey to Theo (Tae Oh) - A Great Realization

Written by: Michelle Seungmin Lee  (Aloha, Oregon)
(Adopted through Dillon/Eastern in November 2004)

The Beginning of the Journey

When Michael and I got married, we dreamed of starting our family as the next natural course of action.  Five years into our marriage and living in San Francisco, where fertility treatments and adoption were equally accepted ways to build a family, we were presented with options we never thought we’d have to consider.  Our first generation Korean American parents (both sides) felt choosing a method that would produce a biological child was best.  They never gave adoption much consideration.  Michael and I, on the other hand, thought adoption was just as viable, given that more research and planning needed to be done.

Long discussions and debates ensued as to whether we should begin looking into adoption or fertility treatments.  It was decided that after a thorough physical examination by our doctors to deem us fit to be parents, we would then decide.  My Ob-Gyn recommended that I come in for a battery of tests to find any blockages in my fallopian tubes.  The tests alone made me lean more toward adoption.  They were invasive, uncomfortable and quite time consuming.  It was after these tests that I got pregnant.

I was a second grade teacher in a prominent independent school of Oakland Hills where diversity was its mantra.  The second grade curriculum included a month long unit on celebrating the many diverse family configurations in our community.  In the second grade alone, there were single, bi-racial, and adoptive families. It was a way to teach our students that families come in all different sizes, memberships, and colors.  It made me take a hard look at our own situation.  The dream of having two children of our own, shattered by difficulty conceiving, led me to think that we were meant for more than the conventional way of building a family.  Michael and I were heterogeneous by sex yet homogeneous down to our last names (We are both Lee’s).  Both Korean by decent, both families very well educated and well to do, I thought, my child would have nothing to share in a celebration of family diversity.

Harriet (Hae Ri) was born in January of 2003, a healthy baby girl.  We couldn’t be happier.  I, on the other hand, suffered a great deal physically from the pregnancy.  I was having a hard time “getting back on my feet” after the birth.  It dawned upon me that the key to raising a healthy family is to be a healthy happy parent.  When Harriet was about 9 months old, I slowly began to feel like my old self again, the operative word here being “old.”  At 36 years old, I would be considered a “high risk” pregnancy with all the complications I had with my first one.  It was time for another family meeting.

Finding Theo - The Great Realization

Michael and I were joyful at the thought of a guaranteed son through adoption.  After thorough research and a visit to Eastern in May 2004, we felt very confirmed in our decision to adopt.  Although I had initially spoken with Duk Kyung Um of Dillon International in October of 2003, the actual paperwork began in June 2004.  Our homestudy was already done by a local social worker at the time but before the final copy was sent to Dillon, Duk Kyung called us (on my birthday August 26 of all days!) to let us know there was a baby boy “waiting” for his forever family.  His name was Seung Min, exactly the same as the Korean name my maternal grandfather had given me.  My grandfather had thought I would be a boy and thus the masculine name, but what kismet that our adopted son was given the same name by his intake social worker.

Coming Home

There are too many wonderful details of our trip to Seoul.  For Michael, it was a pilgrimage trip made in 14 years.  For Harriet and me, we were there just 9 months ago to visit with Eastern, but it was even more meaningful this time around because we were there to meet the last member of our family.  Theo’s homecoming brought members of my extended family out to meet him.  On the last evening of our trip, we all went to dinner to the fanciest restaurant in Kang Nam where he was held by each person joyfully.  Every single person seemed awed by the great courage and conviction Michael and I showed by adopting.  To us, it seemed so easy.  Not only does Theo have a wonderful disposition, he is a very handsome boy!  On our flight home on Asiana Airlines, flight attendants came by and commented how beautiful our family was.  They especially liked the fact that Harriet is the spitting image of her mother and Theo is that of his father.

Our story may end here for now but it really is just the beginning of a grand journey.  All adoptive parents must know that we can only fulfill certain aspects of our adopted children’s lives.  The rest is theirs to uncover as they must journey into an unknown past if they choose or deal with the ghosts of a birth family they will never know.  Michael and I feel privileged to simply be his doting parents.  We’d like to be good stewards of this blessed gift called parenthood to both our children adopted or not.

Theo plays with Harriet "Nuna"