9/11 Story of Caleb

Written by: Min Huh (Ramsey, New Jersey)
(Adopted through Holt in March 2003)

The Seed of 9/11 Event

September 11^th 2001 was just another beautiful day in the fall. I drove to the gym after I had dropped off my girls at their school. The TV in the lobby had the news on about the World Trade Center being accidentally hit by a plane. I peered over in amazement, but went downstairs to my yoga class without much thought. After about an hour of exercise, as I was coming up the stairs to the lobby, feeling refreshed, then I saw a bunch of people huddling together and sobbing in terror. On TV, they were showing the building on fire and presenting the news in an impending tone. They said it was a terrorist act. People on Wall Street were running around covered with dust, and in the background, I could hear the sounds of explosion, screaming and horror. I thought to myself, “this must be what it would look like at the end of the time”. I felt as if all the sounds were fading out and everything around me was paralyzing. 

It was a tragedy where everything America had been so proud of was taken away in an instant. It was a time when even the most secular Americans came together in prayers. The pain and sadness was too much for me to bear.  How could so many lives be taken away just like that? On that bright, sunny morning in the fall…on the way to the glamorous work places in the financial district… Who would have thought, ‘I’m going to die today’? During the meeting, in the middle of a phone call, while having a cup of coffee… They lost their lives in the confusion of the moment.  How tragic and mortifying it is!  I cried out to God. I was devastated by the sinfulness of human beings.  In fear, I opened up the book of Jeremiah. God gave so many warnings to the Israelites, but they didn’t turn away from their sinful ways and were destroyed. I realized that we were exactly like the Israelites. I kneeled down before God. I couldn’t live with only selfish motivations anymore.

MPAK and the Decision to Adopt
Ever since we were first married, my husband and I have been living a very comfortable life. Then in 1996, we faced financial and emotional difficulties. Those painful and humbling times led us back to God.  Since then, through His grace, we became even more prosperous both financially and spiritually. We became active in helping others around us and made an effort to live kindly and humbly. However, after the 9/11 tragedy, I realized that giving without disturbing our comfort level was such a deceitful behavior. I felt ashamed reflecting on myself, continuously trying to fill my life with things of the world: bigger house, better vacations, better cars…etc. It all seemed senseless.  I felt like God was saying to me, “You must share more. All that I have given you is not yours to keep, and you are only my steward”.

I discussed this thought with my husband and we decided to look for something that we could do, not only financially, but also with time and effort as a family.  During my research, I learned about adoption. I was impressed to find out that there are so many people who adopt homeless children into their families. 

The more research I did, my focus was moving more towards adoption.  Even when I was watching a movie, reading a book, or listening to a sermon, I found myself relating everything to adoption. Then one day, I stumbled onto MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea) website.  I was surprised to find out that there were families who adopted openly in the Korean society. I was deeply impressed and challenged by Mr. Steve Morrison, founder of MPAK and Mrs. Han Yun-Hee’s (President of MPAK Korea) vision and courage. I experienced the moment of epiphany.  I said, “Aha! This is it! I should adopt!” 

I had always wished for one more child, perhaps a son… but on the other hand, my girls were getting bigger and I was so close to being free from child rearing.  However, while praying, it became clear that adoption was the greatest idea I have ever had in my life. I asked my husband “Should we adopt our third child?” and he said, “Shall we?”  I was so surprised by his reaction.  My husband’s positive reaction made me even more enthused, and I started to study more about adoption. Adoption is another way of building a family, and a wonderful way to provide loving families to those children without one.  Every child has the right to be loved and have a family. And, for me, I could have a son without having to give birth, and be a parent to a child who needs a family. I thought I could help give a child the rights and to love him as my own.  But, then I honestly questioned myself, “Would I really be able to love a child who is not related to me whatsoever?”  Suddenly, I was not so sure anymore. I was so confused and nervous.  I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do.  Even with my two daughters, I have such difficult time parenting them. But, how would I handle a child who is not even my own, whom I didn’t give birth to?  I thought to myself, “If I can’t be a good parent to the baby, it may be better off not to adopt at all.”

I wanted my husband to make the final decision for me.  I pressed on him for a decision day and night. Maybe I was hoping for him to strongly oppose. If I face his opposition, I may give up, I thought.

In the midst of all that, we went to a family retreat in May 2002 where I came to realize that I was made to be the passage of God’s blessings. God has been so great to me and the blessings are not only for me to enjoy but to be shared and spread through me. Who shall I share the fullness of blessings with? Through prayer, God revealed to me that it would be the child I would adopt.

When will I ever be completely ready to do God’s work? I just needed to trust in Him and let God fulfill all that is needed. I could finally make the decision with confidence and joy.  I planned on talking with my husband about my decision when we returned home. To my amazement, on our way home, my husband said he wanted to go ahead with the adoption. He told me that he saw a vision of an infant wrapped in a blanket while he was praying the night before, and it touched his heart. He realized that it must be God’s will for us to adopt. I thanked God, who was so delicate in answering to our prayers according to our own traits– to me, the logical one- with his words, and to my husband, to whom emotion is very important – with the vision.  As soon as we got home that day, we completed and sent in the adoption application.

Finding Caleb
On the application, I wrote “a healthy baby boy under the age of one”. With a note saying that I could consider treatable disease or conditions. In the Holt Waiting Child program, there were many babies with medical conditions, in a sibling group or who passed age one.  Those children have even less chance of being adopted.  I felt guilty that I only wanted a healthy baby myself. I couldn’t help but to pray for those babies in the waiting.  I also began to pray for the baby who will be our son and for his birth mother. I don’t remember praying with such sincere heart about anything else in my life. I knew I was too sinful and weak that I couldn’t count on myself to love this baby, but only to trust God that He would grant me the love and compassion that will be needed.

On the last day of home study, I saw a photo of a baby in the Waiting Child web page. Although he was born two weeks premature and his birthmother had some symptoms before pregnancy, the baby seemed pretty healthy. I asked the Social Worker about the baby and through the Holt office in Oregon, we were able to receive information on the baby and his birth parents by fax. As I expected, the baby was healthy and normal. I could see that the baby already had masculine facial features, which reminded me of my husband. The story of his birth parents was more heartbreaking than we had imagined. We were reminded that there are so many people in the world who are in painful and difficult situations, and we were saddened by it.  We found no reason to refuse the baby, but we were scared to make the decision.  How could we make a decision of this magnitude so quickly?  We were not ready. 

I couldn’t sleep at all, and I called Mrs. Han of MPAK in Korea.  I was looking for support and affirmation to make the life-altering decision. I didn’t know where to turn to.   I was very nervous and scared.  When I went downstairs early next morning, my husband said to me, “Let’s adopt this boy.” That same morning, we went to see our pediatrician and consulted whether the symptoms of the birth mother would have any effect on the baby. We weren’t looking for an excuse to give up, but to begin the process of preparation. No matter what the outcome, in our hearts, he was already our son.

The Holt officers said the decision-making committee met twice a month. Later on, we received a phone call. The committee agreed unanimously for our adoption, but they had one last question. “Are you going to tell the child that he was adopted? What will you tell your friends and family? Some of the committee members mentioned that Koreans like to keep adoption secret.” I was surprised to hear such a question. I never expected to be representing all the Koreans.

“Yes, I’m going to tell my son that he was adopted. I will tell him that we became a family through love. And, yes, a lot of Korean people tend to keep things like divorce, adoption, or disabilities a secret, because Koreans are very private people. But today many Korean families are sharing their adoption stories with others to raise awareness of adoption in Korea and amongst Korean Americans, thanks to efforts of organizations like MPAK.”

For the next few months, we spent our time preparing documents and learning to become adoptive parents. We hardly could wait until the day that our baby would arrive. During this time, I was able to resolve a lot of issues within myself and found peace and courage

The Best Valentine's Day Gift
On February 14, I received the best Valentine’s Day gift: the news that our son Jaewon will be traveling to come home. I was thrilled and got busy getting ready for our new baby. On Friday the 28th, my husband came home with Jaewon in his arms. He was asleep, and he seems so small and beautiful.  I cried, “Finally you are home! I’ve waited so long!” He opened his eyes and started to cry, but when I held him close, he was comforted and stopped crying.  He must’ve recognized his mommy.  The pastor from our church visited late that night to bless our new baby and our family. It was difficult for all of us to sleep that night. It was such an emotional night: the girls were ecstatic, the baby was feeling unfamiliar in his new home and my husband and I were so grateful that he finally came home.

This was how the story of our adoption began.

I feel inadequate to write this story and reveal so much of myself. Everyone likes to reminisce about special memories, and one day I also wish to share this story in every detail with my son, Jaewon.  On that note, I wish to share with you the beautiful blessings of adoption

Caleb in his tradional Korean outfit on his 1st birthday