Journey to Theo (Tae Oh)
- A Great Realization
Written by:
Michelle Seungmin Lee
(Aloha, Oregon)
(Adopted through
Dillon/Eastern in
November 2004)
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The Beginning of the Journey
When Michael and I got married, we dreamed of starting our family as the next natural course of action. Five years into our marriage and living in San Francisco, where fertility treatments and adoption were equally accepted ways to build a family, we were presented with options we never thought we’d have to consider. Our first generation Korean American parents (both sides) felt choosing a method that would produce a biological child was best. They never gave adoption much consideration. Michael and I, on the other hand, thought adoption was just as viable, given that more research and planning needed to be done.
I was a second grade teacher in a prominent
independent school of Oakland Hills where diversity was its mantra. The second
grade curriculum included a month long unit on celebrating the many diverse
family configurations in our community. In the second grade alone, there were
single, bi-racial, and adoptive families. It was a way to teach our students
that families come in all different sizes, memberships, and colors. It made me
take a hard look at our own situation. The dream of having two children of our
own, shattered by difficulty conceiving, led me to think that we were meant for
more than the conventional way of building a family. Michael and I were
heterogeneous by sex yet homogeneous down to our last names (We are both
Lee’s). Both Korean by decent, both families very well educated and well to do,
I thought, my child would have nothing to share in a celebration of family
diversity.
Long discussions and debates ensued as to whether
we should begin looking into adoption or fertility treatments. It was decided
that after a thorough physical examination by our doctors to deem us fit to be
parents, we would then decide. My Ob-Gyn recommended that I come in for a
battery of tests to find any blockages in my fallopian tubes. The tests alone
made me lean more toward adoption. They were invasive, uncomfortable and quite
time consuming. It was after these tests that I got pregnant.
Harriet (Hae Ri) was born in
January of 2003, a healthy baby girl. We couldn’t be happier. I, on the other
hand, suffered a great deal physically from the pregnancy. I was having a hard
time “getting back on my feet” after the birth. It dawned upon me that the key
to raising a healthy family is to be a healthy happy parent. When Harriet was
about 9 months old, I slowly began to feel like my old self again, the operative
word here being “old.” At 36 years old, I would be considered a “high risk”
pregnancy with all the complications I had with my first one. It was time for
another family meeting.
Finding Theo - The Great Realization
Michael and I were joyful at the thought of a guaranteed son through adoption. After thorough research and a visit to Eastern in May 2004, we felt very confirmed in our decision to adopt. Although I had initially spoken with Duk Kyung Um of Dillon International in October of 2003, the actual paperwork began in June 2004. Our homestudy was already done by a local social worker at the time but before the final copy was sent to Dillon, Duk Kyung called us (on my birthday August 26 of all days!) to let us know there was a baby boy “waiting” for his forever family. His name was Seung Min, exactly the same as the Korean name my maternal grandfather had given me. My grandfather had thought I would be a boy and thus the masculine name, but what kismet that our adopted son was given the same name by his intake social worker.
Michael and I always liked the name
Theodore and when we called his health insurance company to add him to our
policy, we spelled out his full name as Theodore Seungmin Lee. We would call
him Theo, but it would be pronounced Tae Oh, for his paternal grandparents, who
gave him the Chinese character meanings behind Tae (great) and Oh
(realization). And yes, after some roadblocks from our parents, they did come
around. They were entrenched in the traditional Korean thinking where
importance is placed on bloodlines and biological descendants but all that
seemed less important as they realized we were simply announcing our decision to
adopt (that Michael and I had already discussed and made the decision) and not
asking permission. We were not children anymore, but responsible adults.
Theo’s name may mean the great realization for our parents that we were not
babies anymore.
Coming Home
There are too many wonderful details of our trip to Seoul. For Michael, it was a pilgrimage trip made in 14 years. For Harriet and me, we were there just 9 months ago to visit with Eastern, but it was even more meaningful this time around because we were there to meet the last member of our family. Theo’s homecoming brought members of my extended family out to meet him. On the last evening of our trip, we all went to dinner to the fanciest restaurant in Kang Nam where he was held by each person joyfully. Every single person seemed awed by the great courage and conviction Michael and I showed by adopting. To us, it seemed so easy. Not only does Theo have a wonderful disposition, he is a very handsome boy! On our flight home on Asiana Airlines, flight attendants came by and commented how beautiful our family was. They especially liked the fact that Harriet is the spitting image of her mother and Theo is that of his father.
Our story may end here for now but it really is just the beginning of a grand journey. All adoptive parents must know that we can only fulfill certain aspects of our adopted children’s lives. The rest is theirs to uncover as they must journey into an unknown past if they choose or deal with the ghosts of a birth family they will never know. Michael and I feel privileged to simply be his doting parents. We’d like to be good stewards of this blessed gift called parenthood to both our children adopted or not.
Theo plays with Harriet "Nuna"