Our Adoption Story
by Susan Pak
Fresno,
California
(Adopted Through Holt Children's Services)
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The Early Dreams
By the time I was in college, I had my life all mapped out. I would get my career established within 5
years of graduating and then get married by age 25 and have my first child by age 30. I was one year late getting married but didn’t mind as I was sure I found in John, the right person to spend the rest of my life with. After a couple years of setting up house and getting our business started, we were ready to start on our family.
Our Trials
When we didn’t succeed after a year and half of trying, we became
concerned and decided to see our respective doctors to find out what the problem
could be. We were very disappointed to
find out that we couldn't have children. The response of family
members and friends ranged from “I’m
so sorry” to “Maybe this is
God’s way of telling you that you shouldn’t have children” or “we
will have a baby for you and then give it to you to adopt”.
Of course no one meant to be hurtful or insensitive but their comments
did nothing to lessen our grief.
Decision to Adopt
My
husband at this point became very depressed and felt that I should make the
decision as to what to do. He said
that he would support my decision whatever it was.
I felt my only option was to adopt.
How could I tell my child that their biological father was their uncle or
family friend? I wanted a
closed adoption from Korea. I knew
there were many children in Korea up for adoption. I had met Caucasian families who had adopted Korean children
and I also had a good friend who had an adopted sister who looked just like her
5 brothers and sisters. I had a
good feeling about adopting and the more I thought about it, the more it felt
right.
After
making this decision, we broke the news to our family of our plans.
Their concerns were justified - what
if there was something wrong with the birthparents?
- what if they were not smart or
attractive? - but they didn’t diminish our growing excitement of soon having a
child in our arms. Our siblings
were very supportive - more so than our parents.
My mother one day was listening to a radio broadcast on a Korean station
out of Los Angeles and heard Steve Morrison an adult adoptee talking about his
experiences with adoption and of the Christian philosophy of Holt International
Children’s Services. My mother
was impressed with the program and called me right away to give me the contact
information. Prior to this, we were
thinking about using another agency that our friends used for an adoption that
was not finalized because the wife became pregnant.
It turned out that the other agency did not have a social worker who
worked in our area so we would have to commute back and forth to Valencia - a 3
hour drive - for all the meetings. The
staff at Holt International assured us that they had a social worker available
in Fresno and sent us all the necessary documents to begin our application.
Holt Picnic
We
were disappointed to learn that there was a requirement that a couple needed to
be married a minimum of 3 years to apply for an adoption from Korea so we were
not able to begin for another few months. We
did however start getting our papers together and attended a Holt picnic in
Orange County where we were able to meet Steve, Grandma Holt and some adoptive
parents who encouraged us with their stories.
Most had their healthy children arrive home at the age of 3-6 months old
and were very happy with the service provided by Holt.
The babies and older children there at the picnic were beautiful and
seemed to enjoy their families and yet maintained ties to their culture through
events such as this picnic.
The Process Started
After
we celebrated our 3rd anniversary in November of 1995, we formally
sent in our application papers. We
had no idea how much work was involved and had a few complications such as when
we discovered that John did not have a naturalization certificate from when he
became a citizen with his parents, and when his fingerprints had to be redone 3
times. Some of the friends we had
asked to write a referral for us did not see our urgency and took their time
getting them written and sent in to the agency.
These setbacks were discouraging but we were still excited with the
thought of a child in our home and proceeded to start decorating the nursery and
planning the purchase of all the necessary baby items such as highchair,
stroller, car seat, etc.
Our
home study was completed and in August of 1996 we received our referral and the
first photos of our lovely baby girl! The
timing couldn’t have been better. John’s
family had come to visit us on their way to a church camp meeting when the
envelope arrived. We all fell in
love with the picture of the one week old baby with her wrinkled up little face
and clenched fists. My mother in
law declared that she looked a lot like John did as an infant and when she saw
that the name on file was Park, Mee Hwa felt that it was a sign that she was
meant to be with us. We decided her
name would be Sara Michelle, a name chosen by our niece, Kristin.
My sister in law who was a pediatrician looked over her file and
expressed some concern over an entry of Hepatitis and advised us to have it
checked out. We had asked for a
healthy child and so called the agency to have it verified that the entry of
Hepatitis was in fact an error and not a diagnosis.
The agency told us that they were pretty sure it was a clerical error and
should have been in the treatment column as a vaccination given to the child but
we requested a blood test be done to verify this.
Sure enough the test confirmed that she was healthy and had no signs of
Hepatitis.
THE CALL
A
few more months passed and we grew more anxious to hear of our baby’s travel
plans but kept ourselves busy preparing for the Thanksgiving holiday.
Our families traveled from Southern California to be with us and we had
much to celebrate and be thankful for. The
Monday following the Holiday John had gone to work when the phone rang.
A thought flashed through my mind that this could be THE CALL.
I picked up the phone to hear our social worker, Phil’s voice telling
me that travel plans were finalized and our baby would arrive at San Francisco
airport in a week. I called John right away and all our friends and family
members with the exciting news. John’s
brother, Ken, and sister in law, Junghee agreed to come with us to San
Francisco. We decided to spend the
night near the airport so we wouldn’t be late meeting the flight. We carefully loaded the car seat into
The First Meeting of Our New Baby
I
cannot describe my feelings as I first saw her in the stroller being pushed by
the greeter, Sister Ellen, who met us at the airport. John and I embraced from our viewpoint on the upper level of
the airport and tears filled my eyes as I realized that this was not a dream and
that the 6 month old baby calmly looking around from her stroller was really our
own. It only took several minutes
for them to clear customs and soon the baby was in my arms.
She didn’t cry or seem distressed at all.
We seemed to fit as a family right away.
After the necessary paperwork and meeting and thanking the escort, we
headed home to start our life together as a family.
One
Happy Family Now
Now
that 3 years have passed since Sara’s arrival into our lives, its hard to
imagine life without her. Yes,
there were some hard times at first adjusting to each other - different but not
more than what any other new parents might face.
She has now grown into a beautiful girl, affectionate, playful and the
light of our lives. She has brought
so much pride and joy not only to John and I but to our extended family as well
who also love her and realize how special she is. There are times when we are confronted with remarks regarding
her adoption such as unsolicited advice not to talk to her about how she came
into our family, and questions about her “real” parents from well meaning
family and friends. We do our best
to educate them on our philosophy of parenting and how we want Sara to know and
be proud of who she is and where she came from.
Instead of hiding her past and making it something to be ashamed of, we
want to teach her how to accept it and deal with those who don’t understand or
share our same views. We show her
pictures of her foster family who loved and cared for her for her first 6 months
and who regularly send her gifts on her Birthday and at Christmas.
We read her adoption stories such as “Katie Bo” and “Tell me again
about the night I was born”. We meet with and correspond with other families brought
together through adoption - some with Korean parents and others with Caucasian
parents.
Another One On The Way?
Lately, Sara has been asking for a baby sister or brother. We plan to accommodate her by next year.
I can't wait for my Dong Seng!